Jessie Lynn is the number one ranked girlfriend in the world

I've been dating Jessie Lynn for the last two years and in my opinion, she's the best girlfriend in the world. There are many great girlfriends out there, but she is, by far, number 1.

I have my reasons.

Number 1: The Puppy dog face. She has the best puppy dog face that I have ever seen. And when she uses her whimper along with the puppy dog face, I can't say no to anything she wants. I try to say no, but there is just no use.

She has three puppy dog faces that she uses: Sad puppy dog face. Angry puppy dog face. And scared puppy dog face. All three are equally effective. Someday, they're going to score her a Porsche.

Number 2: She buys me things. I mean, good things. Why, right now, as I write this, she's buying me black shoes to go along with the black pants that I didn't know black shoes went along with. For years, I've been wearing brown shoes with black pants and never knew that was a fashion no-no.

She also buys me socks and underwear. Like Seinfeld said, most guys will wear their underwear until there is nothing but the waist-band left. And I have a pair of undies that are pretty damn close to that.

She also convinced me to wear a tie last week. Me! What's next? A suit?

She buys me excellent dvds. Let's see, there's The Road to Super Bowl XLIII, The Office season 2, Scrubs season 1, There's Something About Mary, Rocky, The Incredible Hulk season 5......I could go on, but that would take forever.

Number 3: She got me into watching Desperate Housewives. And now I'm upset that I'm way behind in the series and really want to find the time to catch up.

She also introduced me to the wonders that are Elf and Anchorman.

Number 4: She is really into sports. Of course, she loves the Penguins and Steelers. My kind of woman.

But she also thinks Tom Brady is a d**kwad, Ray Lewis is a jackass, the Flyers are nothing but bitches, the Capitals are bitches, Ovechkin is Obitchkin, the Penn State Nittany Lions suck, and the Cowboys suck mega-c**k.

I mean, how can she not be the best girlfriend ever?

Number 5: I'm sexy. I know, right? She's a keeper.

Number 6: She has improved my social status.

For years, I could never get into parties, but now, people say, "okay, you're invited, but only if you bring Jessie Lynn."

I have earned the respect of men. Before, the guys would mock me and they wouldn't want to be friends with me. They would say stuff like, "you suck at flag football, you suck at volleyball, you suck at cards, you can't play any instruments, your singing sucks, and your writing is totally lame. Why in the hell would anyone want to be your friend?"

But now when I tell them I'm dating an attractive 23 year old, they say stuff like, "Hey, you can be my friend. You can also be friends with my other guy friends and if you want, you can be our leader and teach us stuff. Here, want some money?"

I have become more desirable to women. Before, women would say stuff to me like, "you're ugly, you're not in great shape, you don't know how to dress, you're kind of going bald, and you're stupid. Why would I want anything to do with you?"

But when they find out I have an attractive 23 year old girlfriend, their attitudes change. Now they say stuff like, "wanna do me?"

I don't take them up on their offer because, after all, I have the number 1 ranked girlfriend in the world. It can only go downhill from there.

The first playoff game will be this Sunday in Cleveland

The Steelers are in a unique situation this Sunday. If they win their game against the Browns in Cleveland, they'll win the AFC North title, earn the number 2 seed, at least one home playoff game, and a first round bye. If they lose, they'll more than likely miss out on the division crown and fall all the way to the 6th seed and will not only have to play the following week, but they'd be on the road throughout the playoffs.

The Ravens, who are tied with the Steelers at 11-4, are at home against the hapless Bengals to finish the season so I doubt Pittsburgh would get any help from Cincinnati. And the Jets are playing at home against the even more hapless Buffalo Bills and hold a tiebreaker over Pittsburgh and would get the 5th seed if they finish with the same record as the Steelers.

This truly is a playoff game for Pittsburgh. The road to the Super Bowl is much easier for a team when they can stay at home rather than actually travel on the road. And when I say at home, I'm also referring to their actual homes during the wild card round. Yes, teams can make it to the Super Bowl from that wild card spot (heck, the Steelers did it just five seasons ago,) but the odds are much better for teams that earn byes.

A lot of people are worried about this game and think the Browns will have incentive because of the rivalry. The Browns, and their fans, would like nothing more than to knock the Steelers down a few pegs and do great damage to their Super Bowl chances for a second-consecutive season. Last year, Cleveland defeated the Steelers in a late season Thursday night contest that all but eliminated Pittsburgh from the playoffs. This year, they can make Pittsburgh's road to the Super Bowl a very hazardous one.

But the fact of the matter is, rivalry or not, the Browns aren't in the same class as the Steelers. No matter what Cleveland's motives are for this game, the Steelers are a class or two above them and if they're the team we think they are, they should go into Cleveland and take care of business.

Super Bowl teams do not lose games like this. It's just that simple. Pittsburgh is a team with vast playoff experience and should really have no problem with the Browns.

With so much at stake for our Black and Gold, I expect nothing less than a three-score blowout on Sunday.

As I said, this truly is a unique situation. Usually, in cases like this, teams with 11-4 records already have their divisions wrapped up and are just fighting for seeding if anything. Even if a team loses the coveted bye week, they still get to play their wildcard game at home. That means revenue for the team owner and the local businesses.

The players and coaches aren't the only ones who recognize what's on the line this week, the Rooneys are probably feeling the pressure of this Sunday, as well. Don't think that Dan and the gang won't be a little upset if the team loses out on all the revenue that would be generated with at least one playoff game at Heinz field.

It's one thing for the fans and media to be critical, but it's quite another when your boss is upset that you took money out of his pockets.

Like I said, there is a lot at stake this week.

But at least the Steelers are already in "the dance." Their tickets are punched to the postseason regardless of what happens on Sunday. At least they'll still have a chance.

I'm sure teams like the Jaguars, Buccaneers, and Giants would trade places with the Steelers in a heartbeat. Not only do those teams need to win on Sunday, but they need a TON of help just to make it to the postseason.

It's like with the Winter Classic game between the Penguins and Capitals this Saturday. Some people already have tickets and they're just worried about getting there and finding a place to park. They wish they had better seats, but oh well (Steelers fighting for that bye.) But I have a lot of friends that don't have tickets to the event and would gladly pay any amount just to get into Heinz Field and don't care where they sit. They'd gladly sell their teeth for a chance to be there (Bucs, Giants and Jags.)

From a fans point of view, I'd much rather see my team in the position that the Steelers are in this year than the position those teams are in. Those teams on the bubble are in the same position that Pittsburgh was in last year. And that's not a good place to be.

So no matter what happens on Sunday, at least the Steelers will be attending the postseason dance.

NFL Fantasy Yearbook: The Story of the 2010 TJ and the Bear: Coming Out Of Hibernation

Highlights of TJ and the Bear's 5-9 2010 campaign included a season-sweep over the commissioner and a win over the D Bags in the last week of the regular season. A win that saw the team tally 136 points. The second highest single game total of the season in his league.

Thanks for reading NFL Fantasy Yearbook: the story of the 2010 TJ and the Bear: Coming Out Of Hibernation.

Feel free to read past NFL Fantasy Yearbooks:

2003. The Story of the 3-11 Bubby Bristers: Baby Steps.

2004. The Story of the 4-10 Edmund Nelsons: Heart And Hope.

2005. The Story of the 6-8 Juiced Up All-Pros: A Season On The Brink.

2006. The Story of the 7-6 Tenacious T: A Season To Remember.

2007: The Story of the 6-7 Tenacious T: Tenacious To The End.

2008. The Story of the 6-7 Tenacious T: Shattered Dreams.

2009. The Story of the 7-6 Tony Desire: Cool Brees.

68% of the time, it works every time

Has there ever been a team that benefited more from a loss than the Steelers did with their 22-17 defeat at the hands of the Jets on Sunday?

Despite losing, they clinched a playoff berth, they rested Troy Polamalu, they didn't suffer any other major injuries, and they actually looked pretty decent on offense. And the loss did little-to-no damage to their prospects of earning a bye in the first round. Going into the game against New York, and with a one-game lead over the Ravens in the AFC North with three games remaining, the Steelers needed to defeat either the Jets or the Panthers, and then knock off the Browns in the last week of the regular season in-order to clinch that number 2 seed and a bye. With the loss to the Jets, they simply must now win their remaining two games to accomplish what they want.

Nothing is ever certain in professional football and the team still could stumble and wind up as a wildcard going into the playoffs, but if someone would have told you before the start of the season that the Steelers would be 10-4 and already playoff bound and would only need to defeat a 2-12 team and a 5-9 team in-order to win the division and get a week off, would you be okay with it? I know I would.

I think now that the pressure is off with regards to making the postseason, perhaps maybe they'll play looser these last two games and win going away. I know there will still be pressure because that bye is so epic, but there is no pressure like having to fight your way into the playoffs, and they've already accomplished that.

Another concern for Steeler fans is the team's record against playoff-bound teams. Sunday's loss to New York dropped them to 2-4 for the season against teams that are more than likely heading to the postseason.

However, if you go back to the last two Super Bowl years, the Steelers were a combined 5-8 against playoff teams. The key to winning in the NFL is defeating the teams you're supposed to beat, and so far this year, they're 8-0 against teams that they were "supposed" to beat. They missed out on the postseason last year because they lost to the likes of the Raiders, Chiefs and Browns. Those pesky "supposed to" teams.

As I said yesterday, Sunday night's loss was a strange one. I was super-excited and felt like celebrating after I found out they clinched a spot in the "dance."

I had to keep reminding myself all day Monday that the team actually lost a tough game to the Jets.

But the team making the playoffs is just exciting for me because there is nothing like an NFL playoff game. Game-7's have their supporters, but a series isn't always going to make it to a 7th game. However, you know that an NFL playoff game is always going to be sudden-death.

For as crazy as I am watching an important regular season game, you can turn that up 19 notches for a postseason contest.

I love the week-long speculation and breakdowns. I love how the anticipation builds in the city with each passing day. I love the new songs that Steelers fans always seem to come up with. I love the Black and Gold rye bread that I see in the bakeries and supermarkets. I love trying to figure out where I'm going to place my Terrible Towel for the game, and once I decide where to display it, I don't touch it because, of course, I could jinx everything.

The NFL playoffs are simply fantastic. I've been on this planet for 38 years and this will be the 26th time they've made the postseason in my lifetime. That's 68% of the time. More than 2 out of every 3 seasons. You'd think I would almost be jaded by now. But it never gets old.

I can't wait!

This is probably the weirdest I've ever felt after a Steeler loss

The Steelers' 22-17 loss to the Jets at Heinz field came down to the very last play and could have gone either way. Like most Steelers games the past few years, you can point to a few plays that were the difference.

As usual, Steelers offensive coordinator Bruce Arians is getting a boatload of the blame. I find this baffling because I thought this was the best the offense looked since the Oakland game. Roethlisberger had plenty of time in the pocket against New Yorks' fierce pass rush. Big Ben passed for 260 and a touchdown with no interceptions.

And Rashard Mendenhall looked great. He rushed for exactly 100 yards on 17 carries. If I had one criticism of the play-calling, it would be that maybe Mendenhall should have gotten a few more carries. But that was a minor flaw.

The officials are also getting a share of the blame for not only the questionable helmet-to-helmet penalty on Ryan Clark that led to New York's only offensive touchdown, but for the many holding penalties that the Jets' secondary seemed to commit but weren't flagged for. Specifically, the pretty obvious one on the defender who grabbed Emmanuel Sanders on a play that looked like it could go for a score in the final minutes of the game. No flag.

And that brings me to the absurdity of the fans sometimes. How can you criticize Bruce Arians for his play calling when it was pretty apparent that the Jets' secondary was getting away with murder the entire game? If Sanders isn't held on that play, he probably scores and the Steelers would have won the game.

The gnashing of the teeth over Arians after every single game is getting downright ridiculous.

It all comes down to execution. Like the pseudo-spike at the end of the first half when the Steelers were trying to trick New York into thinking they were going to "clock it," but instead Roethlisberger attempted a pass to Wallace who was open but the pass was off the mark. If that pass is on the money, Wallace would have scored a touchdown on the play and the game would have been totally different. Was that a bad call on Arian's part? No. It was just poor execution.

The play that BA seems to be getting the most flack for is the draw play late in the game that resulted in a safety. The Steelers were backed up near their own goalline trailing, 20-17, with less than 3 minutes left, and tried a draw with Mewelde Moore who was dropped in the endzone by Jason Taylor.

The 2-points proved to be critical as Pittsburgh needed to go for a touchdown instead of a field goal on that last-gasp drive that came up short. It might not have been the greatest call, but again, it all comes down to execution, and the Steelers offensive linemen missed assignments on that play. The Steelers were trying to trick the Jets into thinking they were in passing-mode. For those of you out there who criticize Arians for being too predticable? Well, you can't have it both ways.

Is Arians ever going to make it to the hall of fame as a coordinator? Probably not. But I do not think he called a bad game at all yesterday.

There were many other reasons why they lost that game. Like the defense giving up two scores after Pittsburgh had seized momentum. After the Steelers scored to tie the game at 7 in the second quarter, New York immediately marched down field and kicked a field goal to make it 10-7. And then in the 3rd quarter, the Steelers took the opening kickoff of the second half and methodically drove down and took a 17-10 lead on Mendenhall's two-yard touchdown run. It looked like they had taken control of the game. What happened? New York took the ball and, again, marched right down the field and tied the game. Sure, New York was aided by that call on Clark, but Sanchez was able to convert a couple of key 3rd down plays, and was able to avoid the Steelers' pass rush most of the night.

I know Pittsburgh only gave up 13 points on defense, and in all fairness, played a really good game without Troy in the lineup, but if you're going to criticize the offense, you have to place some of the blame on the defense, as well.

But, personally, I don't put the blame on the offense or the defense. I put it squarely on the shoulders of the special teams.

The Jets were a desperate football team heading into yesterday's game. They had just lost two games in a row, and people were starting to question whether they were a legitimate playoff team. The offense hadn't scored a touchdown since Thanksgiving. A quick start by Pittsburgh could have crushed the Jets' spirit.

But New York's Brad Smith returned the opening kick-off 97 yards and just like that, we knew it would be a game. The Steelers dominated the stats, but just like in the Kansas City game last season when the Chiefs returned the opening kickoff for a touchdown, those 7-points proved to be the difference.

And that kickoff return effected the field position the entire game. Why? Because every time Pittsburgh kicked off the rest of the day, they kicked it high and short and I don't remember New York having bad field position at all.

With an offense that was struggling and a quarterback in Sanchez who was starting to doubt his own abilities, poor field position could have made the difference. Instead, New York always seemed to start their drives around the 30 or 35 yard line.

But enough finger-pointing. I think yesterday's game was very well-played and in all-honesty, the Steelers didn't suffer much from the loss.

In-fact, they actually clinched a playoff spot based on some strength of victory tiebreaker that they have over San Diego and Jacksonville. I don't understand it, but it's weird that Pittsburgh clinched a playoff spot and the Jets, who won the game, still need to win another one to clinch a spot. I don't think Baltimore is officially in either despite defeating the Saints. Just a strange day.

And that brings me to my weird feeling. After that close loss to the Jets, I was a little down, but not totally bummed. I wasn't too worried about them making the playoffs. Not with Carolina and Cleveland left on the schedule.

But when I found out that they had actually clinched a spot, I was happy. I don't ever remember being happy after a Steelers loss. You spend years watching sports and you think you've experienced it all until you actually feel "happy" after a tough loss.

After missing out on the playoffs in 2009, I'm just relieved that Pittsburgh is in. I didn't want to sit and watch another postseason without the Steelers, not after such a good start to the season.

So, losing to the Jets might have hurt the pride of Steeler Nation, but it didn't really damage Pittsburgh's chances of accomplishing what they want. They still control their own destiny and need only to defeat the 2-12 Carolina Panthers and the 5-9 Cleveland Browns in-order to clinch the AFC North and earn the 2nd seed and a bye in the first round of the playoffs. Forget about what the Ravens do, it's all about the Steelers going out and getting the job done.

Ben Roethlsiberger as Stone Cold Steve Austin and Roger Goodell as Mr. Mcmahon

What I've always found funny about wrestling is how a heel or "bad guy" could do the most vile and despicable things known to man, but once be becomes a “good guy” everyone forgets about these dirty deeds even if they were only a few months prior.

Steve Austin was the most vilified heel in the WWF in like ‘96/’97. He did things like break Brian Pillman’s leg and if that wasn’t enough, he even broke into Pillman's home, looking to commit even more mayhem on Pillman's person.

Austin even took on the company’s number one good guy: Bret Hart. They fought every week and the fans hated Austin and loved Hart. Stone Cold didn't care who he hurt or how much he had to cheat. He screwed Hart at every turn.

He was a no-good Texas rattlesnake and would flip you off just because he felt like it. He even wrote a poem: "Tall people. Short people. People with glasses. Bottomline is I'll whip all your asses." What a no-good son of a bitch.

Vince Mcmahon, at this point, was a neutral television announcer who was just starting to publicly acknowledge his real life role as CEO of the WWF. Soon, he started to create storylines that utilized his position in the company.

Strangely, over time, the fans started to cheer for Stone Cold and they saw Hart as a crybaby and whiner. The anti-hero was in style in the WWF.

Vince Mcmahon capitalized on this strange phenomenon by making the double-switch. The two wrestlers would change roles in the course of one match.

In the greatest wrestling match I have ever seen, Bret "The Hitman" Hart defeated Stone Cold Steve Austin in an "I quit" match at Wrestlemania 13. Hart never made Austin say "I quit." Austin passed out from the pain, but in doing so, he officially became the most popular wrestler in the industry. In-turn, Bret Hart, one of the most popular wrestlers on the planet and the standard for wholesome good guy wrestlers, became a heel after he attacked Austin when the match was over.

Eventually, Vince started to become a more vocal owner and Austin challenged his authority on many occasions and the fans loved every second of it. Eventually Mcmahon became “Mr. Mcmahon” the heel owner of the WWF and he made it his goal to screw Austin at every turn.

The two would go on to have one of the most memorable feuds in the history of wrestling.

Back in the spring, there wasn’t a more hated athlete in the NFL, and maybe even sports, than Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. We all know the infamous stories involving him; no need to rehash them. Let's just say Ben’s actions turned most Steelers faithful against him. The fans vowed to stop going to the games if he was still with the team and there was an outcry for the Rooney family to trade Roethlisberger.

Around this time, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, still a pretty neutral figure in the sports world, was deciding what punishment he should hand out to the Steelers' star quarterback for his off-the-field behavior. Ultimately, he decided on a conditional 4-6-game suspension to start the 2010 season.

Most fans were behind this punishment, and some still wanted him kicked off the team entirely.

Ben served his suspension pretty quietly and he even seemed to grow up a little. As the preseason turned into the regular season, the fans hatred for the quarterback started to lighten a bit. Now, instead of people wanting him gone, most of Steeler Nation was counting the days until his return and hoped that Goodell would lessen his suspension to four games and maybe even two.

And once he returned from his hiatus on October 17th, instead of boos, he got a mostly warm welcome from the Heinz field crowd.

Around this time, Goodell started to become more strict with his rules on tackling in the league and his number one target seemed to be the Steelers, and James Harrision in particular. Harrison was repeatedly flagged for questionable personal fouls, and was fined week after week. Harrison was so frustrated, he even considered retirement at one point.

The fans started to resent Goodell and looked at him as a power-hungry dictator.

In the meantime, since his return, Big Ben Roethlisberger has taken a severe beating. He’s had his foot fractured, his nose broken and has taken at least one questionable hit a game without once drawing a flag. When Ben complains to the refs, they just shrug their shoulders and say, “hey, he was just trying to tackle you.” Dangerous Danny Davis would be proud. This has earned Roethlisberger the respect of not only his teammates, but the fans and public.

Roger Goodell has effectively turned one of the most despised athletes in recent memory into a hero in a matter of months. And in turn, he’s become one of the most hated sports executives in recent history.

So, if this was a wrestling show, Ben Roethlisberger and Roger Goodell would meet in a Hell in the Cell match at Wrestlemania. But since it's a reality show, they could meet up on center stage if the Steelers win the Super Bowl.

If that happens, will Goodell actually give the Steelers the Lombardi trophy or will he award it to the runner-up on a technicality?

The New England Patriots are scary 2007 good right now

For the first half of the 2010 season, I thought the New England Patriots were yesterday's champions. Sure, they were 6-2, but they were pulling out some tight games. Games that maybe they shouldn't have won like against the Ravens in overtime.

Nothing wrong with winning close games. Great teams do it all the time. But the Patriots had just traded Randy Moss and reacquired Deion Branch. Looked to me like they were trying to reach back to the past to find some current glory. And some of their new offensive weapons were guys named Benjarvus Green-Ellis and Danny Woodhead. And forget about the defense. I couldn't name one guy on that unit and they were giving up their share of big plays and points.

They ended the first half of the season by getting spanked by the Cleveland Browns, 34-14, and I was more convinced than ever that New England was a former champion who had seen its better days.

I remember a Steelers game from many years ago. It was in 1987 and the Steelers were putting one on the San Fransisco 49ers. The Niners were a dominant team in the early-to-mid 80's, winning a couple of Super Bowls, but it looked like maybe their dominance was ending. In fact, I remember the tv announcer saying something like, "The sun might be setting on this great 49er's era." They still had Montana, and Jerry Rice was just coming into his own, but the 49ers were three years removed from their last Super Bowl parade. The sun did look like it might be setting on their greatness.

Well, San Fransisco went on to win the Super Bowl in 1988 and 1989. So much for that sun set.

And that brings me back to New England. Just when it looked like they were going to fade into the background of the NFL, they came into Heinz field in week 9 and totally outclassed the Steelers, 39-26.

They have not looked back since. Offensively, they haven't scored less than 31 points since that Cleveland fiasco, and now the defense that appeared to be a weakness is starting to catch up to the offense.

In the last two games, the Patriots have rolled over two playoff contenders by a whopping total of 91-10. That's pretty scary, and it's giving me flashbacks to New Englands's 2007 campaign.

They went undefeated in the regular season and racked up 589 points offensively. Their average margin of victory was almost 20 points a game.

I know we all rejoiced in the streets when the Giants knocked off the Patriots in the Super Bowl that year, but that New England team was still one of the most dominant of all time.

As a diehard fan, I had no confidence that my Steelers would be able to do much against the Patriots in the postseason in 2007. Especially after Pittsburgh went to New England and got totally owned late in the year.

After that disaster at Heinz a few weeks ago and as impressive as New England has looked in recent weeks, I'm beginning to feel that way again.

I'm not saying that the 2010 Patriots are as good and dominant as the 2007 team and they certainly have their flaws, but relative to the rest of their 2010 competition, I'm beginning to wonder if anyone can stop them this year.